I introduced our new series, Three Chairs in this post. At that time, I suggested that our spirituality can be summed up using three chairs. Each chair represents a way of viewing our connection with God. I wont take a lot of time explaining the three chairs again in this post, since you can go back and read the introduction easily enough.
Last Thursday we began looking at practical ways of understanding the three chairs. I decided to begin with talking about how we deal with conflict. After all, conflict is something we all face in life.
Those in the first chair — the chair I called benefit — view everything in life through the lens of how it benefits themselves. Naturally, conflict is not something people in this chair appreciate in any way, shape, or form. So, when conflict arises, people in this chair are quick to retaliate. When someone wrongs them, they want the offender to pay dearly. In fact, the punishment often outweighs the original offence. And that’s perfectly fine by those in chair one. The more the offender suffers, the better this person feels. And yet, they rarely hold themselves to the same standard. When they hurt someone, chair one people don’t understand why they are no given the benefit of the doubt. They almost always have an excuse for why they were cruel, and they expect others to forgive them no matter what.
The second chair, contribute, takes a more balanced view of conflict. These people are ready to forgive an offending party as long as the person asks for forgiveness. It is the responsibility of the one who has done wrong to take the first step toward reconciliation. As long as the offender is repentant, the chair two person will forgive … at least once or twice.
Most people have no issue with this chair. In fact, many would argue that it makes sense. And, on one level it does make sense. It does seem fair. People in this chair even agree that they should be held to the same standard as anyone else. So, if they hurt another person, they should be willing to apologize just as they would expect that of someone who hurts them.
But, what if the person doesn’t ask for forgiveness? What if they don’t apologize? What if they wrong you more than just a few times? What then?
I quoted a story from the Bible where Peter comes to Jesus and asks a simple question: “Jesus, how many times should I forgive someone? Seven times?”
Jesus answer is incredible. “No, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” (see: Matthew 18:21–22)
Are you kidding me? And yet, Jesus isn’t joking here. He’s offering a different way of seeing conflict.
And that different view is found in Chair #3: Abandonment. What if we extended grace to others the same way that God extends grace to us? What if we were to go the extra mile in bringing about reconciliation to those who hurt us. What if we took the first steps to forgive even when we are not being asked to forgive?
The mistake most people make is to think that we are punishing someone else when we remain angry or bitter toward them. We think that we are making them pay when we are unwilling to forgive. And yet, the reality is, we are only hurting ourselves. We end up in a prison of bitterness, anger, and rage when we are unwilling to release others from the hurt they cause us. Freedom comes when we can rise above the hurt.
Is it easy? Of course it’s not. I suggested in the message that Jesus was our perfect example. After being beaten, tortured, and hung on a cross, he prayed that God would forgive those who hurt him. What an example.
Here’s the video from Thursday’s talk. This week, we’re going to be looking at self-image.
